Dear X,

My wife and I have been married for approximately 8 years. In the beginning it was great. Our conversations were numerous and the sex plentiful. Unfortunately, all of that has changed for the worst. But, I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing that’s wrong, at least not anything so serious that it would warrant this type of behavior from her. Our conversations are superficial and plastic. Unless it’s about work or the weather outside, nothing deep or meaningful is discussed. Any attempt on my part to talk about our relationship, the meaning of life, anything of substance or whatever, is ignored. She just sits there, quietly. Worse yet, when I share with her my feelings that communication is extremely important to me, and that ignoring me makes me angry, she either continues sitting like a statue looking out the window, or leaves the room. Sex is about as successful as our conversations. She appears to be completely uninterested. Any kind of physical contact is initiated by me. I’m the one that will come and kiss her in the evening, or rub lotion on her back, or request sex. Sometimes, I feel like I’m more of the woman and her the man in the sense that I’m begging for romance and trying very hard to please her. I’ll give you an example. The other evening she wasn’t feeling well, so I told her to go to bed and read, or whatever, and I would take care of everything. I ran downstairs and made her dinner where I brought it to her in bed. Then I vacuumed and mopped all of the floors, and cleaned the kitchen. The next day, thinking that she would still be tired and not wanting to do any work, I took her out to eat and did all of the laundry. Other than her saying, “Thanks” there was nothing. No kiss, no touch, no passion, no anything. I don’t know what to do, dude. Can you help?

ANSWER

I understand that you’re frustrated and disappointed with the current state of your marriage. Let’s look at this rationally and logically. First, you might think that there are multiple problems with your marriage, but really there’s only one. Whatever that problem is, it’s manifesting itself via symptoms such as 1) communication problems, and 2) a lack of lovemaking. To be redundant, you don’t have a separate communications problem and a separate sex problem. One major problem is affecting both areas.

As you probably know, like most colds, you can treat the symptoms, but not the cold itself. What you need to do is find the root cause of your symptoms. Solve that, and the other problems go away.

In any event, nothing can be solved unless both of you are willing to sit down and discover the festering problem that exists. Be forewarned, however, and open to the possibility that you may have done something that has caused her to behave in a rejecting manner. I’m not saying you have, but be open to the possibility. Usually when a person feels rejected, which is what I think you’re feeling, hurt turns into anger, but I don’t think it’s wise that you enter this conversation with the mindset that she’s exclusively the one to blame. It’s possible that the fault may lie with her, but please be open to her side of the story because you may learn something about yourself that you didn’t know existed or happened. It’s human nature, it seems, to always want to blame someone else; it’s easier that way, and boy don’t we all love the path of least resistance which is what blaming is. Therefore, make it a point to sit down with her, and from the outset explain that you want to talk about your relationship and that your open to any and all ideas about 1) the nature of the problem, and 2) what the solution is. Hell, she may tell you that she’s been fantasizing about having a threesome with you but didn’t know how to tell you, and was scared about what your reaction might be. I’m kidding, of course, but I wanted to end this with something that might put a smile on your face. Good luck, my friend.

Moreover, before we demand that other countries apologize for slavery, wouldn’t it be logical that we would apologize for our own? Yet nothing our government does is logical and the refusal of our legislators to unabashedly and officially apologize for ours while demanding that of other countries is hypocritical. Thus is the arrogance of America and why we’re hated so fiercely around the world.

Japan’s PM apologizes to WWII-era sex slaves
“Abe’s earlier denial of coercion drew intense criticism from Beijing and Seoul, which accuse Tokyo of failing to fully atone for wartime invasions and atrocities.

The issue also has stirred debate in the United States, where a committee in the House of Representatives is considering a nonbinding resolution calling on Tokyo to fully acknowledge wrongdoing and make an unambiguous apology.”

Iran Captures 15 British Soldiers

According to a recent Newsweek report, troop levels in the Middle East are substantially higher than what has been reported by the Bush administration. This can mean only one thing: The next target, regardless of all of the rhetoric indicating otherwise, is most certainly Iran — which is currently surrounded U.S. Military forces. But Syria and Lebanon should be squirming as well as confrontation looms on the horizon. Below are just a few statistics of troop levels in the region.

The administration has reported that after the 21,500 surge (or according to Condoleeza Rice, “augmentation”) troop levels will be at 173,500. In “Deployments: The Real Numbers,” Rod Nordland reports, “Last August, for instance, the Congressional Research Service, quoting the Department of Defense’s Contingency Tracking System, put the total deployment at 260,000, while the number actually in Iraq was at 140,000 to 160,000.”

Essentially, there are an extra 100,000 troops stationed in and around Iraq that aren’t being reported. Is it really that hard to figure out why?

Go here to read the full Newsweek article.

When one of the children washed his hair with a prescription shampoo to kill the lice, the lice reacted to the “catastrophe” by running for their lives to escape environmental destruction. The louse hero tried to warn his fellow lice that their “planet” had a consciousness and was reacting with harsh purposefulness. Rebuking the hero, and much like our contemporary world, there were political lice who stated that planets (nature) don’t have a life force or a consciousness, and that the catastrophe which wiped out the majority of the lice population was a “natural disaster,” a pure accident of nature.

People can say what they want about the alleged offensiveness of many South Park shows, but in my opinion, it is the most original thing going, on today’s networks anyway. We need more intellectual offensiveness.

De Omnibus Dubitandum means “All is to be doubted.” It’s Latin of course, and the phrase is attributed to Rene Descartes (1596-1650), the notable French philosopher.

I’m quite fond of the phrase because it serves as the foundation for those with a skeptical, independent, free, and inquisitive mind. Some of us have this by nature, an innate desire to demand proof and evidence before latching on to a belief system or ideology. In others, this desire needs to be cultivated.

Unfortunately, the struggle between society’s demanding of conformity and the individual’s desire to live freely causes great stress in the lives of all of us. That stress varies in intensity whereas some barely notice the symptoms while others develop a kind of neurosis. Regardless, doubt, doubt, doubt!

Wednesday night was the first episode in the new season of South Park and it was quite a success given that CNN covered it. I’m not sure if it’s a record for a television show (cartoon or otherwise), but the four young-ins from Colorado, and other show characters, managed to use the dreaded “N-word” over 40 times. Granted, the context was different than one might expect, but I find it encouraging that the creators of the hit series haven’t lost their motivation to offend, shock, and offer a moral all at the same time. How could anyone not love this show?

Work is pretty much at an all time low; there seems to be a dark cloud of demonic hell-dust covering this place. Barring complete employicide, I don’t see any way to change the corporate culture here. Back-stabbing, lying, cheating, and general nastiness is rewarded, while compassion and generosity is chastised. I’ve tried for 8 years to figure it all out, and I’ve given up. Now, I go to work with no concern over what happens while I’m there.

The school semester is almost over, and I hope to finish my last assignments this weekend. I’m kind of bummed though that the Philosophy class had to end. It’s a great subject (my favorite!) and reading Thoreau again made me want to spend two years on a pond in seclusion, living the simple life. But, this isn’t to be; instead I’m mired in corporatism, which is essentially a dung-hill.

Finally, my newest guitar showed up yesterday. It’s an Ovation CC057: sunburst-cherry red, Spruce top, maple neck, rosewood fingerboard, with diamond and dot inlays. Prrrr, prrrr, prrrrr. I immediately mineral oiled the neck with GHS Fast Fret, buffed the frets with Planet Waves Fret Polishing System, Polished the top with Ernie Ball Polish, and restrung it with D’Addario EJ11 80/20 Bronze Strings (Gauge: .012 – .053). This guitar plays so beautifully that’s it difficult to describe. The tone is exceptional over lows, mids, or highs. Also, the shallow-bowl composite back fits perfectly with my skinny self (149 lbs as of this morning).

And last but not least, the latest headlines read that the FBI abused the Patriot Act and spied on American citizens. Like duh? Who didn’t know that was going to happen? I still find it funny though that the sheeple don’t understand that the Patriot Act in and of itself is an abuse.

by Ellin Anderson

It’s the Cross of great St. Andrew, who was martyred on its bars,
And it bears a favored land’s celestial crown of thirteen stars,
To raise courage in a Scottish heart, wherever it may be –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

It was in the crimson gloaming that we left the western shore,
And said farewell to the Highlands, memory’s font forevermore,
Sailing forth to save a nation from the sword of tyranny –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

In the Carolina dawn, I saw it raised upon the quay
Where I traded my old tartan for a suit of battle gray,
And saluted my new standard, and its pledge of chivalry –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

There’s a general called Stuart, like our gallant Cavalier,
And the great commander Robert, like our King who knew no fear;
On their faces, I see glory, in their names a prophecy –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

When the chain of the usurer binds the black man and the white,
When there’s none left to undo it, or to speak for what is right,
With America united in a state of slavery –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

When the leering merchant mogul builds a kingdom with his gold
That will summon home the Serpent, just like Babylon of old,
When no woman keeps her virtue, nor no man his bravery –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

As we marched towards the battle, I knew God would understand
That our victory today will chart the future of our land;
On these green and quiet hills, I see the hand of destiny –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

Though the northern tyrant wears a crown of fame upon his head,
Yet the coming generations will revile his name instead,
For the shame of brother’s slaughter, in the fight for liberty –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

When the Union rifles met us with a sheet of scarlet flame,
And our shattered bodies answered with a deluge of the same,
Still the Saltire fluttered bravely, as it does beyond the sea –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that we fought to make them free?

With the courage of conviction that the righteous never fail,
The self-righteous and the arrogant will see their might prevail,
But beneath the cannon’s triumph, you may hear the last of me –
Will you tell your sons and daughters that I fought to make them free?

Copyright 2007 by Ellin Anderson, Confederate Great-Grandniece

Author’s homepage can be visited here.

Cold, alone,
destitute from beyond the grave.
The spheres of influence
betrayed my inference.
You’re so intolerant.

Hope is lost,
when seeds of greed start to bloom.
Faces of children
You’re sworn to protect
vanish with indifference.

Lies,
it’s all lies.
They steal the coins
from a dead man’s eyes.

Shallow minds
Never see beneath the surface,
A superficial
mortality.
Corrupted in the womb.

Rule the earth.
Spawn of power, lust, and self.
Cradle destroying,
worshiper of wealth.
I’ll follow another way.

Lies,
it’s all lies.
You stole the coins
from a dead man’s eyes.

I talked to the club owner the morning of the concert and he told me the show was sold-out and that doors would open at 5:00 pm for those people who wanted to eat prior to the concert. He also said that the club had a dress code and that “Jackets wouldn’t be allowed in the building. You will have to check them at the door. Also, no hooded sweatshirts, athletic apparel, baggy jeans, or beanies. T-shirts have to be tucked in and any baseball hat had to be worn with the bill in the front.” After his dress code diatribe, I wasn’t sure if I was going to church or to a rock-n-roll show. Earlier, I was planning to wear my black hoodie, but I ditched that and ended up wearing a long sleeve t-shirt with a short sleeve t-shirt over that.

The food before the show sounded like good idea as we wouldn’t have to stop before we got there, so my wife and I took off of work early and arrived at Cattle Annie’s at 5:10 pm. When we got there, there was approximately 20-25 people in line, but the doors hadn’t opened yet. From outside we could hear the band doing a rehearsal and not a sound-check, which seemed strange since they hadn’t been on tour for three months.

At 5:30 pm it started snowing and as the sun began to set, it got extremely cold. It was worse than usual since no one was wearing a jacket. The club manager came out around 5:45 pm and said that they would not be serving any buffet and wouldn’t be opening the doors until 6:30 pm. My jaw hit the floor. We would now have to stand outside in 20 degree weather for 1.5 hours in nothing but t-shirts?!?!?! What the fuck! We begged to be let in even if we could just stand inside the restaurant, but the manager said that no one would be allowed inside until after the sound check. (It wasn’t a sound check, but a rehearsal.). The crowd outside was getting ready to riot. Most were standing there shivering to death, noses running, and faces flushed.

Around 6:15 pm the club manager again came out and said, “There won’t be a buffet, but you can get BBQ for $6.00. We’ll let you in in a couple of minutes.” I looked at my wife and gave her the I’m-fucking-pissed look. Strangely, the club manager passed out table napkins so those of us outside could blow and wipe our noses. Given that any running snot had already turned to icicles, I was more resourceful and decided to start a miniature bonfire. I took as many of the napkins as I could, rolled them up into what looked like a giant Cheech and Chong joint and lit it. Wow! What a relief! Four of us sat there roasting our fingertips over our makeshift heater. The relief lasted about two minutes, but it was better than nothing.

Apparently, time is different for the club as it was another 50 minutes(!) before they let us in the building. We stood outside for 2 fucking ours in t-shirts in 20 degree weather! It was wrong man, wrong; cruel and unusual punishment I call it.

We showed our tickets to security when we entered the club and they told us that the buffet was now available. WTF? What is wrong with these people? There was an empty table available near the front of the stage, and we grabbed that quickly. After we ate, Leo, the first band to perform, started at 8:25, nearly 45 minutes after the designated start time. However, Leo rocked the joint and sounded excellent. I was really impressed with their performance, and when they were done, I ran over to the merch booth to buy their cd. All of the members of the band were there and were very cool. They kindly autographed the cd and poster, and were more than happy to have pictures taken. My hats off to Leo; they ruled!

After Leo finished, the waitress came by our table and we complained about being outside for so long. She said it was all Breaking Benjamin’s decision, and that they had been at Cattle Annie’s since 10:00 that morning. We were shocked! She said they asked Breaking Benjamin numerous times to let people come in because “your fans are freezing to death,” but each time they said that “no one can come in until the sound check is finished.” She also said that BB sat down at 6:30 pm and had dinner, and that the club staff complained that it wasn’t right. Apparently, BB didn’t care. Of course, no one has heard BB’s side of the story and to be fair they may have a completely different story, but I for one would like to know just what the hell was going on and why didn’t someone (anyone!) stop the torture of the fans outside.

The Burden Brothers were the second band to open, and they absolutely sucked shit. My biggest complaint is the singer, who was off key and out of range for their whole set. Also, it seems like the band can’t find themselves, one moment they’re trying to be AC/DC, the next is punk rock/Primus sounding, and the rest is just plain shit. You’re not missing anything by missing the Burden Brother’s. I wasn’t the only one who felt that way either. I headed off to the bathroom in the middle of their set, and every guy in there complained about how bad The Burden Brother’s were.

After what seemed an eternity during the Brother’s set, Breaking Benjamin finally took the stage close to 11:00 pm. They were supposed to start at 9:30, but at this point I didn’t care.

The set-list was as follows:

(Synth-like introduction similar to Polyamorous intro.)
Polyamorous
Home (Excerpt from the Wizard of Oz movie prior to the song)
Shallow bay (2nd best song of the set)
Breakdown
Topless
Away
INTRO
Diary of Jane
Dance with the Devil
Until the End
Had Enough
Breath
Sooner or Later
Break My Fall (Worst song of the set)
Enjoy the Silence (Cover from Depeche Mode)
So Cold (Best song of the set)

Encore:
You
Blow Me Away

Breaking Benjamin performance was a 6.5 out of a possible 10. I had seen them before and thought they sounded better the first time, actually they rocked(!), mainly due to Ben Burnley’s energy on stage. On this night, however, Ben seemed like he didn’t want to be there; that or he was still sick. He had no energy at all and looked bored.

Best part of the night: Leo
Biggest disappointment: 2 hours outside in the cold, Ben Burnley’s lack of energy

My next concert is Friday at Jaxx Nightclub to see A Body Falls.